there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
