he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
