they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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