I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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