I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
