I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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