I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Holy shit dude........stairs
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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