eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
