I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize