Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
