tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
