I wanna bring you to show and tell
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
