drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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