It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
