life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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