Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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