grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
