He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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