Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
