There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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