Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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