okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Bring me that man meat
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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