I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
