I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
