This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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