never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
