Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
