I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I currently don't understand fingers.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
