I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
