omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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