My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
