he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
