I think I died a long time ago.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
