So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
