I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
