Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
