things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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