The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
