dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
