so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
