So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
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