wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
