he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
