me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
