You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize