Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
