I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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