I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
