can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My ass is underappreciated
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
