His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
