do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
