No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
All I want is dick and wine.
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