So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
