I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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