I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
thus making me awesome and them whores
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize