Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
