yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
