I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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