but the lizard people decide everything anyway
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
