is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize