i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I should be sponsored by Trojan
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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