just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
