so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize