we're blogging at a bar
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
