she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
