Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
