just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
