when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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