Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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