Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.

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(954): View more from Florida

You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter

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(716): View more from New York

Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.

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(985): View more from Louisiana

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”

(985): View more from Louisiana

I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP

(318): View more from Louisiana

First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!

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